Some Secret Words of Wisdom for Couples

Here are some real true-to-life expriences of blissful couples that are worth sharing because of the reason that they simply work. Take them from the horse's mouth so-to-speak and learn to live happily ever after.

Attack the issue

"On my wedding-invitation RSVP cards, I left space for guests to write their favorite wedding wisdom. The tidbit that rings truest after almost nine months of marriage is: 'Attack the issue, not each other.' How it works: If my husband and I disagree about something, we stay focused on the issue and skip the personal put-downs." -- Melissa Gitter Schilowitz, 31, Metuchen, NJ

Share hobbies

"My grandmother insisted that I learn how to play golf. 'If your husband loves to play, you can go along and spend hours together,' she said. So I took lessons, and now my husband and I hit the links once a month. We both love the game and are thrilled to share a hobby, even when we spend half an hour looking for my out-of-bounds balls!" -- Aimee Borders, 27, Houston, TX

Tabletop Trick

"My aunt told me that if I'm running late when it's my turn to make dinner, just set the table. That way my husband thinks he'll be eating any minute, so he doesn't start complaining, which buys me some time. It's a silly trick that sounds straight out of the 1950s, but I have to admit that I've tried it a few times in the three years I've been married -- and it works!" -- Dawn Clayton, 34, Holdrege, NE

Boob-Tube Brilliant turns

"Because my husband is such a remote-control freak, my mom suggested that we have 'my turn' TV nights. That means three nights a week I get to hold the remote and watch whatever I want, and on the other nights it's his turn to hold the remote and watch whatever he wants. Now when he starts flipping through the channels, it doesn't get on my nerves like it used to." -- Angela Clayton, 27, Odenton, MD

Pop the Question

"My sister-in-law passed this helpful hint on to me, and it has served me well for our five years of wedded bliss: 'Marriage is not mind reading, so ask your spouse what he/she wants and believe what he/she says.'" -- Clare Graca, 27, Dallas

Nix the Nit-Picking

"Before I said 'I do,' my mom (who's been married to my dad for 55 years) told me to take out a piece of paper and write down the top three things that bugged me about my husband-to-be. Then she told me to forget the things on that list and forgive him for not being flawless. Once you make a commitment this big, she explained, you can't let petty things get in the way. In our eight years of marriage, my husband and I have had two kids, tackled cross-country moves and started two businesses -- and so far, so great."-- Rebecca Hart Blaudow, 31, Jacksonville, FL

Space Smarts

"Always have separate closets, my best friend told me. It may seem silly, but I listened to her and made sure to find a one-bedroom apartment with two closets (mine being the larger, of course). Now my husband and I each have our own private space, and we respect that: If he wants to keep his shoes in one huge heap or leave his dirty clothes in a pile on the floor, the mess doesn't bother me a bit!" -- Patricia Bontekoe, 26, Lake Hiawatha, NJ

Agree to Disagree

"Before we got married, my minister told my husband and me, 'You are two imperfect people making an imperfect union, and that's wonderful.' This advice made me ditch my belief that in a happy marriage, the couple always agrees. My husband and I have learned to appreciate our differences (yes, even differences of opinion!); in fact, we encourage them because we realize now that those differences are what makes each of us unique and special." -- Beth Swanson, 28, Chicago

Comic Relief

"Before I headed down the aisle, my stepfather told me to always laugh and never take myself too seriously. After four years of marriage, I know that this trick works. My husband and I often play practical jokes on each other and always try to crack each other up, even in the middle of an argument. Hey, if one person laughs, a fight tends to fizzle, doesn't it?" -- Lisa Giassa, 31, Bogota, NJ

Stay married and save the planet

This may sound quite strange but "staying married is better for the planet because divorce leads the newly single to live more wasteful lifestyles," an Australian lawmaker said Tuesday. It has to be made clear, though, that this does not apply to those who have been single all their lives, but only for singles coming from marriage divorce.

Senator Steve Fielding told a Senate hearing in the Australian capital Canberra that divorce only made climate change worse.

When couples separated, they needed more rooms, more electricity and more water. This increased their carbon footprint, Australian Associated Press quoted Fielding as telling the hearing on environmental issues.

"We understand that there is a social problem , but now we're seeing there is also environmental impact as well on the footprint," AAP quoted him as saying.

Such a "resource-inefficient lifestyle" meant it would be better for the planet if couples stayed married, he said.

During the hearing, the senator read out quotes from a U.S. report that advocated his stance.

Fielding, who leads the independent Family First party, grew up in a family of 16 children and has been married for 22 years, his website says.

It is to be understood though that preserving marriage should not only be made for the sake of the environment but more so for respecting the sanctity of family life borne out of love and devotion.

FREEconomics: The economics of Free Stuff

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FREEconomics: The economics of Free Stuff

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Kissing unleashes chemicals that ease stress levels

Just in time for Valentine's Day, a panel of scientists examined the mystery of what happens when hearts throb and lips lock. Kissing, it turns out, unleashes chemicals that ease stress hormones in both sexes and encourage bonding in men, though not so much in women.

Chemicals in the saliva may be a way to assess a mate, Wendy Hill, dean of the faculty and a professor of neuroscience at Lafayette College, told a meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science on Friday.

In an experiment, Hill explained, pairs of heterosexual college students who kissed for 15 minutes while listening to music experienced significant changes in their levels of the chemicals oxytocin, which affects pair bonding, and cortisol, which is associated with stress. Their blood and saliva levels of the chemicals were compared before and after the kiss.

Both men and women had a decline in cortisol after smooching, an indication their stress levels declined.

For men, oxytocin levels increased, indicating more interest in bonding, while oxytocin levels went down in women. "This was a surprise," Hill said.

In a test group that merely held hands, chemical changes were similar, but much less pronounced, she said.

The experiment was conducted in a student health center, Hill noted. She plans a repeat "in a more romantic setting."

Hill spoke at the session on the Science of Kissing, along with Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and Donald Lateiner of Ohio Wesleyan University.

Fisher noted that more than 90 percent of human societies practice kissing, which she believes has three components — the sex drive, romantic love and attachment.

The sex drive pushes individuals to assess a variety of partners, then romantic love causes them to focus on an individual, she said. Attachment then allows them to tolerate this person long enough to raise a child.

Men tend to think of kissing as a prelude to copulation, Fisher said. She noted that men prefer "sloppy" kisses, in which chemicals including testosterone can be passed on to the women in saliva. Testosterone increases the sex drive in both males and females.

"When you kiss an enormous part of your brain becomes active," she added. Romantic love can last a long time, "if you kiss the right person."

Lateiner, a classical scholar, observed that kissing appears infrequently in Greek and Roman art, but was widely practiced, despite the spread of skin disease at that time by facial kissing. And there was a potential for social faux pas by kissing the wrong person at the wrong time.

Overall, the science of kissing — philematology — is under-researcherd, Hill concluded

Playing Tetris could 'reduce stress symptoms'

Those who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder could see their symptoms reduced by playing a popular computer game.

According to experts from Oxford University, playing Tetris soon after a traumatic experience could help erase bad memories of the incident.

It is also claimed that playing the game could reduce the number of flashbacks people experience. Dr Emily Holmes, a psychologist who led the study, said: "This is only a first step in showing that this might be a viable approach to preventing post-traumatic stress disorder."

Experts hope that the findings could lead to new treatments for people hospitalised after an incident, as well as those who have experience of war zones.

Post-traumatic stress syndrome often affects those who have experienced wartime trauma, such as seeing others injured or killed.

Those who took part in the experiment were shown traumatic images of injury then 30 minutes later, half played ten minutes of Tetris while the others did nothing.

Tetris is one of the world's most popular computer games and was first made nearly a quarter of a century ago, reports Infopackets.

Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage

You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.

In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick -- and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there. Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.

That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?

When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."

Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.

Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.

Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.

If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.

"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.
3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.

You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.

Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."

4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.

I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.

Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."

5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.

Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.

6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.

Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.

Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.

7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.

There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.

I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.

That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

Some Unusual But High-Paying Jobs

Some of these hot new careers you may have never heard of are "green-collar" jobs. These jobs are on the rise as the business world responds to dramatic increases in energy costs and environmental regulation. And while disposable income seems threatened by a roller-coaster economy, other new careers are springing up to suit those who have cash to spend.

Here are some of the hot career fields you may not have heard of:

Eco Tourism Director

Traditional hospitality careers are increasingly marching to the ecotourism drumbeat. According to the International Ecotourism Society, ecotourism is growing at three times the rate of traditional vacationing, increasing annually up to 30 percent. If you're just preparing for the field, seek an associate's degree in hospitality, travel, or tourism. If you're already aboard, why not train to manage a hotel, bed and breakfast, spa, or resort with a graduate degree in business or hospitality? The majority of lodging managers are self-employed professionals. Top earners in 2007 averaged $83,240 for the year.

Professional Hacker

Ever hear of a certified ethical hacker? That's the professional IT certification for a computer scientist that works as a security specialist, forensic investigator, or network defense architect for corporations, the government, and law enforcement agencies to help prevent hacking or to track down perpetrators. To get into the field, you'll need more than the hacking skills you tweaked together in your garage. Begin by earning a bachelor's degree in computer science or information technology. You can get additional online college training in network security. The top 50 percent of computer scientists earned between $97,970 and $123,900 in 2007.

Pet Psychologist

Don't be so shocked. Even Sparky sometimes needs help to keep from gnawing through the neighbor's bed of prized roses. Once the local vet has ruled out physical ailments that can contribute to rude pet behavior, people who love their animals may need to call in a trained, certified behaviorist or pet psychologist. As with human patients, pets can be analyzed and taught to act contrary to destructive impulses. There are even certified applied animal behaviorists. To get into the field, you'll need a master's or doctorate degree in psychology, preferably with additional work in zoology and animal behavior. Salaries vary greatly by locale, but can be upwards of $90,000 a year.

Conservation Consultant

There are companies who are greatly concerned with increasing energy efficiency. And there are those with a conscience, striving to reduce their carbon footprint. When some states decided to go carbon-neutral by 2007, they hired a director of energy strategy and climate change. Combine your thirst for conservation with an engineering degree to prepare for this thriving field. The U.S. Labor Department predicts a hefty 25 percent increase in environmental engineers during the 2006-2016 decade. In 2007, the top 50 percent earned between $70,000 and $106,000.

Fashion Consultant/Personal Shopper

Among those who care about their appearance, many are born with amazing taste; some have to work for it. Fashion designers and consultants help those who can afford personal attention to transform their image. You can be the one to consult on hair, makeup, and fashion--and then be the one to take your clients shopping. Get career training through an associate's or bachelor's degree program in fashion design. Top earners in the fashion design trades in 2007 took home $121,640 on average.

Mobile Experience Architect

The cool streaming videos and eye-popping CD covers that get delivered to the screens of millions of cell phones and PDAs each hour are designed to make you spend money. Information architects create the structure and mind-manipulating patterns (site maps) of each mobile delivery. You'll need to learn about marketing, strategy, and user testing through a degree program in computer science, Web design, or business. There's even an IT certification for professional mobile architects. Salaries range into six figures.

As our world rapidly evolves, it's no surprise that the work landscape is evolving as well. You can prepare for and keep up with the changes by updating your training and credentials.

Ten Ways to Improve Your Memory

Brain Pictures

When your reminders affect your sense of fashion, it's time for some tips on improving memory. See more brain pictures.

­­The human brai­n is like a library that stock­s memories instead of books. In some ways, that makes the hippocampus, the part of the brain most involved in memory, the brain's librarian. The hippocampus has the most responsibility in this cranial library, juggling the new releases of short-term memory while cataloging materials for the permanent collection of long-term memory. It's not the only part at work, however, in storing these chapters of our lives. Different kinds of memory are stored in different areas of the brain. With such a large system, the brain needs a system of encoding and retrieving memories, something a bit more complex than the local library's Dewey Decimal System.


The brain has to be able to pull information at the drop of a hat, whether it's a fact on hold (such as a telephone number) or a dusty memory that's been sitting in storage for years (the memory of your first kiss). No one likes a library that loses books or shelves them in the wrong place. Yet sometimes we find ourselves with a very poor librarian on our hands, one that doesn't allow us to retrieve memories when we need them. Sometimes it's trivial, like when we tear apart our homes looking for glasses perched innocuously atop our heads, and sometimes these lapses in memories are more embarrassing, such as when we call a colleague "sport" because we simply can't remember his name.

Whether you're a college student studying for an important test or an aging baby boomer concerned about forgetting a recent doctor's appointment, there are a few things everyone can do to optimize the storage and checkouts in our private libraries of memories. Alert the librarian and head to the next page for the first tip.

10. Drink in Moderation

Before you settle in to read this article, you may want to get yourself a glass of wine. Surprised that such debauchery begins our list of memory improvers? Well, hear us out. Memory and alcohol have an interesting relationship.

Stockbyte/Getty Images

Cheers to your health!First off, you'll notice we didn't advocate bringing the entire bottle back with you. Too much drinking handicaps the memory, as anyone who's ever woken after a binge with a fuzzy recollection of the night before can attest. And one component of a DUI test shows how overconsumption of alcohol can immediately affect the brain: Even simple mental tasks like counting backward and reciting the alphabet can become tricky under the influence. Alcohol abuse will have a negative effect on the cells of the brain related to memory.

But as long as you're not pregnant and able to maintain control of how much you drink, there's evidence that light to moderate alcohol consumption can improve memory and cognition. Though more research needs to be done, some studies have found that moderate drinkers do better on certain tests of memory and cognition than nondrinkers and heavy drinkers [sources: Victoroff, Minerd]. There may be some long-term effects as well. A French study that followed almost 4,000 people over the age of 65 found that light drinkers, who consumed up to two glasses of wine a day, were 45 percent less likely to develop Alzheimer's disease than nondrinkers [source: Victoroff].

But as we said, don't start tipping back beverages if you have certain risk factors, such as a family history of alcoholism. No one is recommending that teetotalers start drinking, either. Resveratrol, one of the flavonoids in red wine that's believed to have special benefits for blood vessels, is also in red grape juice.

If you tend to drink when you're sad, head to the next page for some information on how your blues affect your brain.

9. Seek Treatment for Depression

Anything that causes major stress in life, including anxiety or anger, will eventually eat away at the parts of the brain that are responsible for memory. Chief among these stressors is major depression. Depression is often misidentified as a memory problem since one of the main symptoms of the condition is an inability to concentrate. If you can't concentrate on schoolwork or the information needed to complete a task on the job, then you may feel as if you're constantly forgetting things. As it is, you're not even able to concentrate long enough to learn them in the first place.

altrendo images/Altrendo/Getty Images

Can't concentrate at work? It may be depression.

Depression causes an increase of cortisol levels in the bloodstream, which in turns elevates the amount of cortisol in the brain. With the help of brain imaging devices, doctors have been able to see how that increased cortisol diminishes certain brain areas, chief among them the hippocampus [source: Tan]. One study showed that people who had been depressed, even if it was years ago, had suffered a 12 to 15 percent loss in the hippocampus [source: Victoroff]. Since the hippocampus is the clearing center for short-term memory, prolonged depression demolishes the brain's ability to remember anything new.

Additionally, depression affects the types of things a person is able to remember. While everyone's brain is selective about which memories make it into long-term storage, people with depression seem only able to retain negative memories [source: Crook]. That means there's a neurological reason why a person with depression remains obsessed with the one time a loved one forgot a birthday or anniversary, even if it was remembered every other year.

But happy memories needn't be lost forever to someone battling depression. Medications for depression, including selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), have been shown to jump-start the process of cell regeneration in the hippocampus [source: Tan].

The next item on our list can help fight depression while it improves memory as well.

8. Get Moving


Ariel Skelley/Photographer's Choice RR/Getty Images
A brisk walk can be the best exercise for your brain.If you've ever taken a break from work or studying to take a quick walk around the block, you may understand the rationale for this next tip. Exercise not only exercises the body, it exercises the brain as well.

Obesity is a risk factor for many diseases and conditions that eventually wreak havoc on the brain, including stroke and Alzheimer's disease. Without regular exercise, plaque builds up in the arteries and blood vessels lose the ability to pump blood effectively. While you may know how plaque buildup leads to heart attacks, you may not think about the way your brain is gasping for breath as well.

The brain depends on energy received through a constant intake of oxygen and nutrients from the bloodstream, and when those nutrients don't arrive, the brain's ability to work is compromised. So to keep the blood moving to the brain, you're going to need to get up from your chair (after you finish reading this article, of course) and get the blood pumping. It doesn't matter what you do -- a brisk walk, a swim and even a dance move or two can all provide a good mental workout. Studies show that the more physically active a person is, the greater his or her cognitive performance [source: Victoroff].

Keep a lookout on your brisk walk for interesting images -- you'll need them for the memory tip on the next page.

(Till next issue..)


(By Molly Edmons; Oct. 18, 2008)

How Sex Addiction is Affecting Your Life

By Dr. Laura Berman
Posted Wed, Sep 17, 2008

This month, gossip blogs and celebrity magazines were rocked with the news that Californication star David Duchovny checked into rehab for sex addition.
Previous reports suggested that Duchovny was struggling with an addiction to Internet pornography and cybersex, but more recent rumors maintain that actual physical infidelity occurred. (However, just because Duchovny created a television series in which his fantasized writings turned into actual dalliances, we can't assume this infidelity manifested in his real life as well. Until we receive proof to the contrary, let's assume that he kept his pants on, unlike the main character he dreamt up and plays everyday.)

That being said, most couples would agree (rightfully so) that cybersex addiction can be just as devastating and hurtful as an actual affair, and it is becoming a growing concern in our tech-savvy society. According to a study released by Stanford University, 25 million Americans visit cybersex sites 1-10 hours per week, while 4.7 million Americans visit cybersex sites more than 11 hours per week.

What does the growing presence of available Internet pornography and cybersex mean for modern relationships?

Communication is required. Couples need to discuss what they consider infidelity within the confines of their relationship. For instance, is it okay for your partner to look at online pornography? Does it matter if you are present, or can he/she be free to surf solo without fear of you taking offense? Is it permissible for your partner to contact other people via the web for cybersex? Whatever you and your partner decide, agree to keep the honesty intact when accessing the web.

Consider the amount of time the cyber world takes away from your relationship. Even if you and your partner decide that cyber play is permissible, be aware of how much time you are spending on the Internet. If you are devoting more time to online erotica and virtual strangers than you are to your partner, then something is amiss. This can also be a sign of a cybersex addiction, particularly if you feel helpless to control your time online.

Secrets are a warning sign. When secrecy creeps into your "innocent" Internet play, it means that there is a problem. Whether you are hiding from your partner how much time you spend on the Internet, the sites you visit, or the people you talk to online, you are creating an environment for infidelity and relationship breakdown.

If you think that cybersex activity has become more than just a passing hobby, don't despair. Cybersex addiction can be treated, and your partner can help you through this difficult time. Click on this link for resources and treatment options. Cybersex addiction (and all sex addiction) can be just as devastating as drug/alcohol addictions, and most people need a system of support to stop their destructive behavior. Ask for help -- you will be so happy you did.

Are Bad Habits Keeping You Single?

In the search for love, it's all too easy to get sidetracked by bad dates, broken hearts, and bad love habits. And while bad dates and broken hearts are part of the dating journey toward happily-ever-after, bad love habits can and should be avoided at all costs.

So what's a bad love habit? Any dysfunctional, destructive, difficult belief or habit you have towards love and relationships that's keeping you from finding, attracting, and/or maintaining a healthy relationship. The following are some common bad dating beliefs:

You choose potential partners who are incapable of meeting your emotional needs.

You think love has to be difficult, painful, and/or hard.

You think your potential partner is going to fix whatever you don't like about yourself or your life.

You think your potential partner is going to fix whatever you don't like about yourself or your life.

You believe time is running out on your search for love and/or your chance to have children.

If any of the above sound familiar, don't worry. You're not a lost cause. In fact, with a little time and effort, you can turn things around! What follows are five simple and effective tips and techniques geared toward helping you break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad dating habits. Practiced over time, you can and will kick any bad dating habit -- for good!

1. Identify the dating traps you're stuck in

Think you've got to miraculously solve all your problems before you'll be deserving of love? Convinced there are no good "ones" left? Or do you believe that your perfect partner will one day swoop in and magically save you from your life? If any or all of the above sound familiar, chances are good that you suffer from some common dating traps. In order to become a successful single, you first need to free yourself from these traps. Acknowledging the traps you're stuck in is the first step. Next, you've got to break free of these traps, as well as any other limiting or destructive beliefs that are keeping you stuck. To find out how, keep reading.

2. Assess your excess baggage

Next, it's important to get honest with yourself about what you might be lugging around with you on dates (or in life in general). What are you holding onto that no longer serves you? Rejection, disappointment, betrayal? This is from your past, not your present or future. If you've got negative or destructive beliefs or fears weighing you down, you owe it to yourself to dump that excess baggage!

3. Dump your excess baggage

In order to have a happily ever after future, you have to first believe you deserve finding a mate. Gather those painful memories, that chip on your shoulder, any residual anger from past relationship experiences, and tell them they've got to go. Thank them for the lessons you've learned and tell them that it's now time for you to stand on your own two feet. In your mind's eye, give them the heave-ho! Next, start visualizing the kind of life you want to have, complete with your dream job, perfect partner, ideal home, etc. By getting clear about what you want, you give yourself permission to attract it.

4. Stop putting off your life and/or personal happiness

So many of us put off personal happiness waiting for some external result like "I'll be happy when I lose weight, when I pay off my debts, when I get a better job." The truth is, you deserve to enjoy your fabulously imperfect life right this very minute!

When you stop putting off happiness, you start attracting happy people, healthy relationships, exciting and new opportunities.

When you stop putting off happiness, you start attracting happy people, healthy relationships, exciting and new opportunities. Instead of postponing joy until something external happens, today's the day to start celebrating the joy in your everyday life.

5. Embrace a new dating vocabulary

Now that you're baggage light and dating-trap free, it's time to introduce a new vocabulary to your dating belief system. Every morning and night for 30 days, practice the following exercise: Say to yourself "Love/dating/my ideal relationship is..." and then fill in the blank with the appropriate words (words like healthy, whole, loving, fun, etc.). By creating a new vocabulary for yourself, you may be surprised at how your outlook on dating and relationships changes, and as a result, you'll start attracting happier and healthier potential partners. Love that!

So there you have it -- five simple dating tips and techniques to help you break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad love habits. May you learn them, love them, live them. In doing so, you just may fall in love with your life all over again, not to mention exponentially increase your chances of future relationship success.

Good luck and happy dating!

How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating

Do the headlines have you spooked? Here are the surprising signs a dude is being unfaithful.

By Holly Eagleson

1. He's superprotective of his gadgets. "The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills," says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he's being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he's more evasive.

2. He steps up the grooming. This is so obvious, but it's a sign many women miss: "If your man starts grooming more without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he's getting intimate with someone else," says Vranich. You can actually thank modern mass media for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his appearance, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He's spending more time at the gym.

3. He smells different. "When he comes home, if he doesn't smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn't the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he's showered at her place," offers Vranich. So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying "the nose knows" might very well be true.

4. Nothing fazes him anymore. "If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added intimacy and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy," Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of "When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships": "
If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.

If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why."

5. He becomes suspicious of you. "If he's normally a mellow type, all of a sudden he may want to know where you are all the time and with whom," says Vranich. "It's the result of him realizing that if he's cheating and it's not that hard, you might also be getting away with it." Also, beware of extremely detailed responses to even your most innocent "How was work today?" queries. He may be preparing epic answers because he's terrified of getting caught.

One caveat: If your romantic life hasn't fallen off, that's no guarantee that he's faithful. "It's a serious mistake to think that affairs are necessarily physical. He may just be unhappy in other parts of the relationship," says Kirshenbaum. In fact, an illicit relationship could even stoke his lust for you.

(Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.)

5 Ways to Love the Woman You Married

Here are better ways to love the woman you married. It is called loving with wisdom. Do these 5 things on a consistent basis and, after one month, you will find out that your marriage has improved.

Step 1: Listen to Your Wife

Do you listen to what your wife is saying? You listen to your boss when he is rambling on, don’t you? You listen to your naïve buddies tell you all kinds of things that don’t really matter in life, don’t you? Well then, why aren’t you listening to your wife? Start really hearing what she has to say and be supportive of her feelings and opinions. That means, opening up your ears and being perceptive to your wife’s needs.

Step 2: Appreciate Your Wife

When was the last time you told your wife how much you really appreciate her and all the things she does? A woman puts out a lot more energy into the home and family affairs than the husband does. Sometimes she may feel as if she is the only one doing anything around the house and this is when she starts getting bossy and naggy with you.

I encourage you husband’s to start appreciating your wife for all that she does for you and the family. Marriage can be such a beautiful relationship when you show your love with wisdom. Stop just for a moment, and mediate on the beautiful woman you married. Be thankful that God gave her to you. Realize how blessed you are to have this woman as your wife and know that she is your right arm and sometimes your left arm too. Make your wife feel good about who she is and all that she does.

Step 3: Make Love. Please Your Wife Sexually

There is a difference between having sex and making love. Sex is a one sided selfish act that is mostly enjoyed by the husband. Women need a bit more pampering and nurturing in the bedroom. I mean, what does a woman get out of five minutes of copulation? Okay, so it takes a little bit more time to please your wife and you’re tired, so make love in the afternoon or early morning. You do have options. Love your wife with wisdom and start pleasing the woman you married.

Step 4: Be More Helpful

Be more helpful by “asking” your wife if there is anything she needs you to do around the house, in the kitchen, or in the yard. For instance, she isn’t the only one who eats dinner you know. Maybe she would like some help chopping up vegetables, setting the table, or loading the dishwasher. She probably has mowed your yard for you, so give back in return and do some extra things for her around the house. She will be pleased that you did.

Step 5: Be the Man of the House

Be her man and she’ll want to be your woman. Did you know that your wife becomes bossy and domineering because you are not listening to her? She feels unloved and unneeded by you when you take her for granted instead of appreciating all that she does for you and the family? A woman needs to be valued by her husband. This gives her more love to give to you.

If you want a humble and kind wife then don’t behave as if you are better than her. Share your feelings with your wife and get close with her. Don’t be afraid to let down your guard once in awhile. If you have emotions that are not getting met, talk to your wife about it. A wife wants to be there for her husband but if you don’t let your wife in, how can she help?

If you want a feminine, humble and kind wife, then don’t try and control her to be what you want her to be. She needs to be her own person. What you can do though, is control yourself to behave a certain way that makes your wife want to submit to your loving influence. Be a good example and she will want to surrender her love to that example. Love your wife with wisdom.

To the man who pleases her wife, God gives wisdom, knowledge, and happiness.

(Source: http://www.ehow.com)

Simple tricks that help trim down your waistline

A big part of my recent weight loss—especially my shrinking waistline—may have been the easiest thing I did in the past year (and still do!): Eat vitamin C–rich fruits every day. I usually have them as a midmorning snack or as part of my breakfast. If not an orange or grapefruit, I'll mix strawberries with lowfat yogurt to ensure I'm set on C for the day. (You can even buy unsweetened green tea with vitamin C.)

This nutrient helps curb fat absorption, and studies show that low levels of C are associated with bigger waists. Also, people with the most vitamin C in their blood have the lowest body-fat percentages, researchers at Arizona State University at Mesa say. But about 30 percent of Americans don't get enough of the vitamin. Women need only 75 milligrams a day, 90 mg for guys (about the amount in a cup of strawberries or an orange).

Try this tasty recipe to get your daily dose. This zippy sip from Red Mountain Spa in St. George, Utah, delivers a serving of fruit and has only 64 calories:

Sparkling Melon Soup (Makes two servings, each with 96 mg of C.)

Chop half a ripe cantaloupe into 1-inch chunks. Blend with 1 tsp chopped fresh mint and 1 tbsp lime-flavored Perrier. Drop in 1/4 cup minced pineapple. Add 1/4 cup minced strawberries. (By Lucy Danziger, Editor-in-Chief, SELF Magazine)

Dating Older Women

Perspectives from the "younger men" and dating tips for them

The reasons why some men date older women are as varied as the women themselves. These women, because of their experience, often have more wisdom and self-assurance than younger women -- perhaps they may also possess more self-reliance and tolerance.

Some men receive mentoring from older women, who have had more relationship experience and often understand men well.

Some men receive mentoring from older women, who have had more relationship experience and often understand men well. Clearer about who they are and what they want, "older women" may even have an advantage in the dating arena.
In some cases, having a relationship with an older woman may work for men who don't want children:

"My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years," says Rocco. "She was 53 and I was 41 when we met. We both shared many values, including our faith. Our children are grown up now, and mine love her. So, it's worked out very well. I tell men who have been divorced at least once to go for an older woman... If you find the right one, don't worry about age -- unless you still want more children."

A man who dates someone who has children his age will run into the occassional social opposition. But there are men (like Ben, 25, who is dating a 45-year-old woman) who can overcome resistance.

Ben says: "A woman can be 25 and marry a man of 45 or 55 and, hey, whatever. Traditionally, it's been ingrained in our psyches... that's the way it goes, but not the other way around. We've always known that age may be an issue. But now that we've been together for a while, I have a new perspective.

Not all men are comfortable dating older women. Some men, like Clyde, worry about the future. Clyde says: "I dated a woman who is 15 years older. We dated for a bit and then settled into just enjoying each others company. She has a fit body and is an attractive woman. People said to me, why don't I commit to her if we enjoy each other's company? I told them I worried about how things would feel in 10 years when she's over 60 and I'm in my 40s... And then further down the years."

Through my experience as a therapist and marriage counselor, age difference isn't as important in a relationship as most people think. What counts is whether a couple can create a working partnership and build an enjoyable life together. So, for you men who've fallen head-over-heels in love with an older woman, I've developed nine tips on how to enjoy your newly found romance:

1. Be a gentleman. An older woman wants to be treated with respect, like any woman does. While she might attracted to your rebelliousness or youthful attitude, she still wants you to treat her with good manners.
2. Don't get ahead of yourself. Don't worry about the future until you actually might have one. Take your time and allow the relationship to develop.
3. Stay calm. You may be excited, but don't overdo it. Have fun and enjoy your dates, but don't come on too strong. She has some reservations, too.
4. Be charming. Don't underestimate how powerful your smile can be. Use it often, make eye contact, and keep the conversation flowing. Pay attention to what interests you about your date, and show interest in her opinions, experiences, and activities. Be complementary whenever possible, and respond intelligently to whatever she says.
5. Don't focus on looks.
Give complements, but focus less on her physical appearance -- she may be anxious about it.
Give complements, but focus less on her physical appearance -- she may be anxious about it. And even if you're complementary, she may worry that you're too focused on looks. She wants to be appreciated for who she is, including her intellect and style. Compliments like "That color is lovely on you," or "You look great tonight" are safer than "You're in great shape."
6. Have fun. Keep your dates simple and have a good time. Focus on being pleasant, and not getting too far ahead of the relationship. Refrain from talking too long about any one subject without inviting a comment from your date.
7. Keep conversation interesting and light. Feel free to talk about anything, including your personal lives, past relationships, and love in general, but don't be the one who brings up the intimate topics first. Be wary of prying too deeply into her private life and secrets, unless the information is voluntarily offered.
8. Avoid talking too much about yourself. Keep your focus on learning about your date. Dole out the boring information about yourself. Punctuate your conversation with questions: "What do you think?" "Has it been that way for you?"
9. Pay attention! Listen to answers to your questions. You have things to learn here! Seek to get to know each other better. No matter how thrilled you may be about her, listening to what she says, watching what she does, and understanding how she feels are the most important things you can do.

Ten Signs that You're Dating the Committed Guy

Are you ready for a relationship that is going to lead somewhere without you being led on? It's time to start weeding out the commitment phobics and put your time and effort into men that are looking for the kind of relationship you want -- one that has a future. If you're interested in getting married, ignore these at your own risk. Here's what to look for:

1. His friends are married

If you are interested in a guy, check out his friends' left hands to see if they have wedding rings on.
Research has show that if his friends are already married, he's more likely to get married.
Research has show that if his friends are already married, he's more likely to get married. If all of his friends are still single and in the "party-with-the-boys" phase, that's a bad sign.

2. He's financially secure

Studies show that men who own a home are more marriage-ready. A man who is generally financially stable, and has his ducks in a row, feels marriage is a practical next step for him.

3. He pursues you

The guy who is commitment-ready is going to initiate doing things with you. If you're emailing him and he takes days to email you back, if you have to text him to find out where he is, if you are always calling him, you're chasing a man who's probably not marriage-material.

4. He's willing to wait

Yes, research is telling us what we already know: If a guy gets to know you before getting intimate, he is more likely to commit.

5. He watches DVDs with you when you're sick

Taking care of you when you're sick shows that this guy isn't just in it for the fun and sex. If he wants to be with you in bad times, it's a sign he's in it for the long haul.

6. He gets to know your friends and family

A guy who is thinking long-term wants to truly get to know you. Seeing you interact with your family and friends helps him learn where you come from and more about who you are. The flip side of it is that he will also want you to get to know him! He'll want to see if you fit in with his family and friends. A guy who keeps you separate from the important people in his life is just playing around.

7. He says, "we" instead of "me"

When he switches from "me" to "we", that's a sign he's committing to you at a deeper level. If your guy is all, "I", "me", and "my" instead of "we" and "us" in conversations after you've been dating a while, his mindset is still in single guy mode.

8. He's not afraid of compromise

A commitment-ready guy is going to ask your opinion, consult you about decisions he needs to make, and has the ability to meet you half-way.
A commitment-ready guy is going to ask your opinion, consult you about decisions he needs to make, and has the ability to meet you half-way. A bull-headed guy who needs everything his way or it's the highway, isn't ready for the compromise that's naturally part of a mature relationship.

9. He doesn't need excuses

Commitment-phobic guys always have an excuse about why they can't be with you on Saturday night, why they didn't call, and why they aren't ready for a relationship right now. A commitment-ready guy doesn't need excuses, he just needs you.

10. He likes being in a long-term relationship

Some men like being in a monogamous relationship and some don't. The sooner you realize and accept this the better. If he complains all the time about needing space, treats you like a giant burden instead of a gift, and keeps talking about taking things slow, he's telling you he's not ready for a commitment. On the other hand, if he's done with the party scene, enjoys your "couple time" together, and has a strong sense of family, you've found a commitment-ready guy.

Why do you fall asleep after sex?

1. Why do you fall asleep after sex?
To escape the inevitable questions that arise: "Do you love me?" "Am I pretty?" "Can I have $300 so my aunt can have an operation?"


No one needs an interrogation when his body has just performed a feat of stunning humanity. You see, powerful hypnotic brain drugs are released during orgasm: good shit like endorphins, oxytocin, and prolactin (or, as they're known on the street, Sleepy, Dopey, and Kim Jong Il).

Men produce more of these neurochemicals than women and also tend to exert themselves more during sex, usually doing most of the heavy lifting, thus leaving the woman free to close her eyes and fantasize about England.

2. I haven't been with many women.. but my new girlfriend's labia seem really different. They're huge. Is this common?
Allow me to interrupt for one moment. As your sexual counsel, I must advise you not to admit that in the press again.

Not today, but many millions of hundreds of years ago, women like your girlfriend were prized for their large, strapping labia, which made it easier for them to navigate through rough river currents during Flapulus, a sort of primitive wake-boarding sport played by kings. And we all owe a debt to the brave, brawny-lipped women who aided the resistance movement by relaying covert semaphore messages to the Allies. But things have changed a lot since then. Your repulsion at the sight of her may be spurred by the female genitalia you've no doubt seen in your precious porn. However, not all current women look that way, and not all those who do arrive at it naturally.

Dr. Scott M. Gulinson, of the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Phoenix, says his patients routinely bring in magazine pictures of their ideal vulvas and, after having the picture turned right-side up for them, often choose to undergo labiaplasty -- a newish procedure for the very spiffy, wherein the inner labia are made smaller, more symmetrical, more aerodynamic, and much, much better. And while the rest of us marvel at how gentle Homo sapiens is slowly giving way to newer, sleeker strains of primate (I speak specifically of Homo electivus surgerius, dubbed "Van Nuys Woman," whose fossilized remains date back to A.D. 1984), some people are unhappy. Sexologist Betty Dodson is one of them. "They trim off their beautiful petals," she says, "so they'll have what they call the clamshell look, which is very prepubescent." And superhot for spring!

Now, labiaplasty shouldn't be performed on your girlfriend unless she's truly ashamed of herself. And there is perhaps another way. "We need to reach women in grade school!" pleads Dodson. "We need to let them see the variety out there so they won't feel like this! As an owner of large inner lips" -- and this is where my correspondence with Betty unfortunately broke off. But if you'd like to get involved in the Grade School Women Labia Acceptance Movement, write your congressman.

3. My wife and I love each other, but we just don't have a great sex life anymore. Is it actually possible to reinvigorate a stale sexual relationship, or is that just therapist nonsense?
Say what you will about therapy, but at the risk of sounding glib, I'll admit that my thrice-weekly angel-guided rebirthing sessions are really starting to kick in, and I barely mind being in the trash bag anymore. Therapists and therapy experts alike recommend solving any big problems first. Sex therapist Stephanie Buehler believes that once couples halt "the repeated trips to rehab, gambling, and domestic violence, then there is room for love to grow like a rose." (She didn't say what color rose.) Then maybe attempt some open, honest, slightly icky sex talk with your wife. "We suggest that people begin to have those conversations in nonsexual settings," says Pala Copeland, who, along with her partner, Al, runs a tantric-sex thing at their home in Ottawa. Any nonsexual setting will do; it needn't be a Minnesota airport or even a public men's room, for that matter. Or why not join Pala, Al, and some of the other tantra-heads for a group encounter? "We show video clips," she says. "There are periods of intercourse interspersed with periods of cuddling and holding, or feeding each other something, or kissing, or oral sex, or manual stimulation." Which is all super, but I come for the live lute shows and nightly smoothie specials. Anyway, everyone seems to agree that it's best to relax during sex and not focus on orgasms, unless you want to have orgasms, in which case, you may have to rub them out for yourself a while longer.(Stacey Grenrock Woods; esquire.com)

How to flirt online and get a date..!

10 questions to get sparks flying

By Liz H. Kelly

What can you say in an email or instant message (IM) to entice someone to get to coffee talk? You are trying to get to the first date level. So what are the tricks to flirting online?Three keys to online flirting success:

1. Humor is your ally. A 35-year-old male film editor told me, "It depends on the person. You need to be able to read the person to tell what kind of humor you can get away with.

Humor is definitely sexy

Humor is definitely sexy, and so is confidence because girls pick that up."

2. Keep it simple. Use light-hearted emails or IMs with an upbeat tone to attract dates online. A 40-something female painter shared, "Make your responses simple and use easy questions in your messages to flirt." There is no need for long emails or IMs either. A 42-year-old accountant told me, "I can tell if I am interested in three or four sentences."

3. Hand out compliments. One of the best ways to flirt online is to extend a sincere compliment.

One guy told me, "I always try to say something subtle but sincere." You might say to someone who plays the piano, "I think it is awesome that you play piano." He added, "Be sincere and don't throw out phony baloney."

10 IM or email flirting questions

Based on interviews with hundreds of active daters for my book, "SMART Man Hunting," here are 10 proven questions that can help you ignite sparks online:

1. Where did you get that fantastic smile?

2. What is your favorite ice cream flavor and why?

3. What is the most romantic place that you've been on a date?

4. What would you do if we got stuck in a snow storm in the mountains?

5. If you were going to take me out for a romantic evening, what would we do?

6. What is your favorite thing to do with a partner for fun?

7. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

8. How long have you played guitar? (Ask about something in their profile.)

9. Wow, is that your cute golden retriever? (Compliment something in their photograph.)

10. When are we going to meet to find out whether we would ever want to kiss each other? (Depending on the person, you can sound cute using this one)

Have some fun -- use humor and good will. Keep it simple when you're using these email flirting questions. You will have better luck using levity and sincere compliments online.

How to attract and keep 'Mr. Right'

An Open Letter To A Woman Who Wants To ATTRACT And KEEP Mr. Right...

Dear Friend,

I'd like to ask you a few questions. Be open and honest with yourself as you answer them...

Have you ever met a guy who seemed to be "Mr. Right", but after getting to know him better you could tell that he just didn't feel that same level of "connection" you felt?

You were attracted to him, but he just wasn't into you the same way you were into him?

In your mind, you could sense what a great guy he was, and that, somewhere deep inside, you both shared this strong "chemistry" that made you feel close and comfortable. But for some reason he didn't want to truly connect with you.

Another one...

Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?

Of course, the worst part wasn't that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn't have done it in the first place... but you did it anyway.

And finally:

Have you ever dated a great guy for a long time... I'm talking about six months, twelve months, or even longer... and it was getting to the point where you needed to have "the talk" with him. But when you tried to bring up the topic of having a relationship and making a bigger commitment, his eyes just glazed over... and then he became distant from you... and the relationship ended soon after?

You were trying to get CLOSER to him, and somehow he kept moving farther AWAY from you.

I'm guessing that when one of these things happened, your girlfriends said things like:

"He's just a jerk, forget about him".

Or they said: "He doesn't see the mistake he's making or what he'll be missing". But he never seemed to see these mistakes... or even miss you.

And the worst part of all: You kept thinking about it.

In fact, it really GOT TO YOU. And I'll bet the REASON why it got to you is because you worried that it might have been something to do with YOU (and not just because he was a total jerk).

In fact, TO THIS DAY you still have the feeling that YOU may have done something wrong, and that you may have CAUSED some of the problems in the first place... and if you would have known the RIGHT thing to do, things would have turned out differently...

Unfortunately, the bad news is that you're probably right.

Chances are you DID have something to do with it, and things probably WOULD have turned out differently if you would have known how to deal with the situation.

You COULD have done something about it... if only you had known WHAT to do...

The Secret To Attracting And Keeping
A Great Guy...


The main PROBLEM here, and the thing that stood in your way, is that men aren't easy to understand. And when you find a good man, he doesn't come with an "instruction manual".

Just because your girlfriends told you it wasn't your fault, or that he was just "a jerk", doesn't mean that they understood the problem (or that they understand men at all, for that matter).

Most women don't "get" men. Your friends who try to comfort and encourage you have good intentions. They're just trying to make you feel better.

But they're also accidentally making the situation WORSE.

They're trying to blame the situation on HIM, instead of trying to help YOU understand how to KEEP a great guy around.

This situation is MOST dangerous when you meet a really GREAT GUY, but you don't know how to catch him or keep him. Let's face it, great guys are hard to find... and when you do find one, you can't afford to lose him because you made a dumb mistake.

You can't afford to throw away a good six months, a year... or even LONGER... and risk losing what could be a valuable relationship... just because you didn't know how to handle a particular situation.

Well, there is some good news here... I personally believe that there IS something you can do about it.

You CAN learn how to understand men and get them to be open up and understand you. You can learn how to CATCH that great guy, and how to KEEP him.

And how do I know this?

Because I AM a guy. And I've been in all the situations I just mentioned to you... from the OTHER side.

I've seen it from a man's perspective. I've been in those difficult "places" in dating, relationships, and love.

After years and years of experiencing these types of situations and hearing about them from my female friends, I decided to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT...

I spent well over a year carefully documenting and writing about my experiences. I spent much of that time researching, interviewing women, and working out all the ways a woman can get what she wants out of a relationship without scaring off the man she loves... and without letting any of those confusing "guy issues" get in the way.

Here's what I discovered:

The 3 Deadly Mistakes Women Make With Men Without EVER Realizing It...

Through my research and personal experience, I've found that these 3 mistakes are responsible for more failed dates and relationships with men than any other factors. Here they are:

» Mistake #1: Leading A Man To Think You Are "Needy" And "Insecure"

Did you know that there are 6 ways you can set off a man's "Insecurity Alert" and make him think twice about pursuing a relationship with you?

Sadly, even confident women often "accidentally" give off one of these signs... and just one can kill the chance of a man asking you on a second date.

As you read through these signals men pick up on as "needy" and unattractive, ask yourself if YOU have ever been guilty of committing one of these deadly mistakes:

Talking or saying nasty things about your past boyfriends. Saying bad things about men you have been involved with actually reflects the negatively back on YOU. It makes a man worry you are carrying around "baggage" that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you.


Speaking negatively about other women. When women call other women names like "slut", "bitch", and "crazy", it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted you. Women will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man might be attracted to her. This just makes a man think you are trying to cover up your own insecurities, and looking for validation and attention. Not good.
Too much physical contact, especially in public.
If you are constantly hanging on a man or touching him too much he'll start to see it as clingy behavior... but you'll never hear about this from him. It's far better to save your touches for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him.
The next 3 are far deadlier, but less obvious... and it's important that you learn what they are and how to avoid giving them off.

But before I show you how to do that, let's talk about mistake #2:

» Mistake #2: Appealing To His "Sexual" Side Instead Of His Emotional Side

Many women make the mistake of thinking that men are primarily driven by sex alone... and think if they can attract a man SEXUALLY they will be able to attract him EMOTIONALLY as well.

Women too often give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship and get them what they want. In reality, a man has the capacity to view a sexual connection and an emotional connection as two entirely different things, and it requires a special set of skills to mold these two things together in a man's mind... and keep them connected.

Men are out for far more than just sex... and a woman who knows how to fulfill a man EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY will be the woman who captures a man's heart... and gets that same fulfillment for HERSELF. In a moment, I'll show you how you can learn to do just that...

» Mistake #3: Not Knowing How To Size Up A Man's "Relationship Potential"

A lot of women will decide whether or not they should put energy into building a relationship with a man based on ATTRACTION.

Yes, attraction is important. But it can also be DANGEROUS.

When we feel a strong sense of attraction for someone, it can cause us to override our logic and ignore our instincts... leading us to overlook potential partner's deadly faults that could spell trouble down the road.

If you've ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that is dragging you down, this is probably why.

It's important to be able to size a guy up and spot any "warning signs" of a future bad relationship FAST... so you don't waste any of your time or emotional energy on someone who isn't right for you... or who will leave you heartbroken. Fortunately this is a fairly easy thing to do, and I'd like to show you how...

(Reference book by Christian Carter.. more on next posting)

Dating Tips / Advice

Nothing would be better if you end your date with your special someone fun, one of a kind and memorable. So in order to have a successful and unforgettable dating experience, listed below are some of the most powerful and sure-fire tips in dating.

1. Forget about your past relationships. Past is past so there is no need to discuss the bitterness and heartaches of your past relationships. Talking about past relationships may likely bring an awkward atmosphere to your date because you are there to kick off another journey of your love life and yet you talk exes. Not a good sign to start a brand new relationship.

2. Be yourself. Acting like a second version of someone else will not impress your date. It is one of the major turn offs to most girls or boys. This may likely ending your date with a total mess or complete embarrassment to yourself. Pretending to be on someone else shoes is starting things on a wrong foot. So better, behave and act yourself.

3. Give each other some respect. Do not act as if you are the king or queen of the world. This may probably create a disgusting moment for your date. Being respectful is one of the greatest assets that every people admire. In addition, this can gain trust in favor of you, thus expecting another round of date is a whole lot easier.

4. Observe proper hygiene, outfit and accessories. This may be a basic thing but often mistook. Learn to mix and match things without looking yourself like a Christmas tree. Moreover, who would dare to date someone if he or she stinks, no one, right? However, do not overdo things like showering the whole bottle of perfume in your mother’s closet.

5. Be a good conversationalist. But not to the point that you do all the talking and your date is just listening. How boring! A good conversationalist is a person who knows how to give others a chance to talk and at the same time pay attention to her or him. You will never realize that time flies too fast. This is also good to avoid dead air.

6. Avoid awkward topics. Not all topics are good to talk about. There are some things in life that should not be open up especially if you are having your first dates. Better keep it for yourself unless you know that person way back elementary years.

Healthy Foods that you can buy in Supermarkets

It took months of scouring grocery store aisles and enlisting the help of our favorite nutritionists and chefs to come up with our extended list of the best supermarket foods across the land. We chose foods packed with plenty of the things you want — fiber, protein, healthy fats — without the unnecessary calories, fat, sodium, sugar and salt that pollute so much of our packaged-food supply.The nutritionists ensured that the foods listed below will do your body good, while the chefs made sure we weren’t sacrificing taste. (Because let’s face it, some nutritionists would eat the cardboard boxes these foods come in, strictly to max out their fiber counts.)

From breakfast to dessert and everything in between, we’ve picked out a variety of foods that’ll bring you a ton of flavor, keep you lean, and help you look, feel, and live better than ever. Here are eight of our favorites that’ll satisfy your hunger and taste buds.

BEST INSTANT OATMEAL

Quaker Weight Control Banana Bread Oatmeal (per packet) 160 calories 3 g fat 7 g protein 29 carbs 6 g fiber 1 g sugars.

This instant oatmeal is high in soluble fiber — the stuff that provides long-lasting energy — and gives you a morning shot of belly-filling, muscle-making protein as well. The banana-bread flavor hits the spot without an overwhelming sugar and calorie count. Zap a bowl at home or at work, and you'll get your day off to a fast and body-friendly start. (Remember: Studies show that those who skip breakfast are 450 percent more likely to be overweight or obese!) Less temptation around the doughnut tray at work, too.

BEST GRAIN

Bob’s Red Mill Organic Quinoa (per 1 cup prepared) 160 calories 2.5 g fat 6 g protein 30 g carbs 3 g fiber 0 g sugars.

We don't expect you to eat something you can't pronounce, so here goes: It's KEEN-WAH, and you should think of it as a high-protein, high-fiber replacement for brown rice. Also, whole-grain quinoa packs vital amino acids, which help your body grow and repair itself.

BEST SNACKING CHEESE

Laughing Cow Mini Babybel Original (per piece) 70 calories 6 g fat 5 g protein 0 g carbs
0 g sugars.

You may think of cheese as an indulgence, but it can be a great snack. The fat in cheese is proven to suppress your appetite, making it ideal to take the edge off hunger in between meals. Laughing Cow’s little packages will keep you from overdoing it — who has time to unwrap more than three of the little bundles?

BEST BOTTLED TEA

Honest Tea Green Dragon (per 16-oz bottle) 60 calories 16 g carbs 10 g sugars.

We sent a swath of green teas off to an independent lab to test for antioxidant levels, and Honest came back the winner. Then we did our favorite part of food testing: We guzzled the contenders. Lucky for you, Honest Tea aced our taste test.

BEST FLAVORED NUTS

Emerald Cocoa Roast Almonds Dark Chocolate (per ounce) 150 calories 12 g fat 6 g protein 6 g carbs 3 g fiber 1 g sugars.

Almonds are packed full of heart-healthy fats and antioxidants, which makes them perfect for staving off mid-afternoon hunger cravings. We especially love these almonds because they remind us of a Hershey almond bar, minus all the sugar. This is our new favorite way of doing crunches in the afternoon.

BEST ENERGY BAR

Lärabar Apple Pie (per bar) 180 calories 10 g fat 4 g protein 23 g carbs 4 g fiber
17 g sugars.

A great new twist on the mom-apple pie connection. Most energy and protein bars are polluted with sugar, making them more akin to a Snickers than to something you might actually want to snack on. But Lärabar ditches the synthetic sugars and fillers in favor of six simple ingredients: dates, walnuts, apples, almonds, raisins, and cinnamon. Wash it down with high-protein, high calcium Organic Valley Low Fat milk (another winner): Mom would definitely approve.

BEST FROZEN TREAT

Edy’s/Dreyer’s Slow Churned Vanilla with Crunch Bar (per bar) 150 calories 19 g carbs 8 g fat
10 g sugars.

We know what you’re thinking: “Ice cream bars are flat-belly foods?” Remember: People who don’t treat themselves to an occasional indulgence end up with an empty carton of ice cream on their laps at midnight. Part of getting lean and staying lean is picking relatively innocent indulgences that will satisfy your cravings without sabotaging your diet. Bonus: Bars also keep you from the “just one more bite” risk that the tub of ice cream will turn you into a tub, as well.

BEST PACKAGED COLD CUTS

Hormel Natural Choice Presliced Deli Meats (per 3 turkey slices) 50 calories 10 g protein 1 g carbs 1 g fat 0 g sugars.

Their turkey cold cuts are another tasty way to deliver protein. Hormel deli meats are 100-percent natural, as well as nitrate- and nitrite-free. Wrap a slice around a slice of Sargento Deli Style Aged Swiss for an all-star snack.