Ten Ways to Improve Your Memory

Brain Pictures

When your reminders affect your sense of fashion, it's time for some tips on improving memory. See more brain pictures.

­­The human brai­n is like a library that stock­s memories instead of books. In some ways, that makes the hippocampus, the part of the brain most involved in memory, the brain's librarian. The hippocampus has the most responsibility in this cranial library, juggling the new releases of short-term memory while cataloging materials for the permanent collection of long-term memory. It's not the only part at work, however, in storing these chapters of our lives. Different kinds of memory are stored in different areas of the brain. With such a large system, the brain needs a system of encoding and retrieving memories, something a bit more complex than the local library's Dewey Decimal System.


The brain has to be able to pull information at the drop of a hat, whether it's a fact on hold (such as a telephone number) or a dusty memory that's been sitting in storage for years (the memory of your first kiss). No one likes a library that loses books or shelves them in the wrong place. Yet sometimes we find ourselves with a very poor librarian on our hands, one that doesn't allow us to retrieve memories when we need them. Sometimes it's trivial, like when we tear apart our homes looking for glasses perched innocuously atop our heads, and sometimes these lapses in memories are more embarrassing, such as when we call a colleague "sport" because we simply can't remember his name.

Whether you're a college student studying for an important test or an aging baby boomer concerned about forgetting a recent doctor's appointment, there are a few things everyone can do to optimize the storage and checkouts in our private libraries of memories. Alert the librarian and head to the next page for the first tip.

10. Drink in Moderation

Before you settle in to read this article, you may want to get yourself a glass of wine. Surprised that such debauchery begins our list of memory improvers? Well, hear us out. Memory and alcohol have an interesting relationship.

Stockbyte/Getty Images

Cheers to your health!First off, you'll notice we didn't advocate bringing the entire bottle back with you. Too much drinking handicaps the memory, as anyone who's ever woken after a binge with a fuzzy recollection of the night before can attest. And one component of a DUI test shows how overconsumption of alcohol can immediately affect the brain: Even simple mental tasks like counting backward and reciting the alphabet can become tricky under the influence. Alcohol abuse will have a negative effect on the cells of the brain related to memory.

But as long as you're not pregnant and able to maintain control of how much you drink, there's evidence that light to moderate alcohol consumption can improve memory and cognition. Though more research needs to be done, some studies have found that moderate drinkers do better on certain tests of memory and cognition than nondrinkers and heavy drinkers [sources: Victoroff, Minerd]. There may be some long-term effects as well. A French study that followed almost 4,000 people over the age of 65 found that light drinkers, who consumed up to two glasses of wine a day, were 45 percent less likely to develop Alzheimer's disease than nondrinkers [source: Victoroff].

But as we said, don't start tipping back beverages if you have certain risk factors, such as a family history of alcoholism. No one is recommending that teetotalers start drinking, either. Resveratrol, one of the flavonoids in red wine that's believed to have special benefits for blood vessels, is also in red grape juice.

If you tend to drink when you're sad, head to the next page for some information on how your blues affect your brain.

9. Seek Treatment for Depression

Anything that causes major stress in life, including anxiety or anger, will eventually eat away at the parts of the brain that are responsible for memory. Chief among these stressors is major depression. Depression is often misidentified as a memory problem since one of the main symptoms of the condition is an inability to concentrate. If you can't concentrate on schoolwork or the information needed to complete a task on the job, then you may feel as if you're constantly forgetting things. As it is, you're not even able to concentrate long enough to learn them in the first place.

altrendo images/Altrendo/Getty Images

Can't concentrate at work? It may be depression.

Depression causes an increase of cortisol levels in the bloodstream, which in turns elevates the amount of cortisol in the brain. With the help of brain imaging devices, doctors have been able to see how that increased cortisol diminishes certain brain areas, chief among them the hippocampus [source: Tan]. One study showed that people who had been depressed, even if it was years ago, had suffered a 12 to 15 percent loss in the hippocampus [source: Victoroff]. Since the hippocampus is the clearing center for short-term memory, prolonged depression demolishes the brain's ability to remember anything new.

Additionally, depression affects the types of things a person is able to remember. While everyone's brain is selective about which memories make it into long-term storage, people with depression seem only able to retain negative memories [source: Crook]. That means there's a neurological reason why a person with depression remains obsessed with the one time a loved one forgot a birthday or anniversary, even if it was remembered every other year.

But happy memories needn't be lost forever to someone battling depression. Medications for depression, including selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), have been shown to jump-start the process of cell regeneration in the hippocampus [source: Tan].

The next item on our list can help fight depression while it improves memory as well.

8. Get Moving


Ariel Skelley/Photographer's Choice RR/Getty Images
A brisk walk can be the best exercise for your brain.If you've ever taken a break from work or studying to take a quick walk around the block, you may understand the rationale for this next tip. Exercise not only exercises the body, it exercises the brain as well.

Obesity is a risk factor for many diseases and conditions that eventually wreak havoc on the brain, including stroke and Alzheimer's disease. Without regular exercise, plaque builds up in the arteries and blood vessels lose the ability to pump blood effectively. While you may know how plaque buildup leads to heart attacks, you may not think about the way your brain is gasping for breath as well.

The brain depends on energy received through a constant intake of oxygen and nutrients from the bloodstream, and when those nutrients don't arrive, the brain's ability to work is compromised. So to keep the blood moving to the brain, you're going to need to get up from your chair (after you finish reading this article, of course) and get the blood pumping. It doesn't matter what you do -- a brisk walk, a swim and even a dance move or two can all provide a good mental workout. Studies show that the more physically active a person is, the greater his or her cognitive performance [source: Victoroff].

Keep a lookout on your brisk walk for interesting images -- you'll need them for the memory tip on the next page.

(Till next issue..)


(By Molly Edmons; Oct. 18, 2008)

How Sex Addiction is Affecting Your Life

By Dr. Laura Berman
Posted Wed, Sep 17, 2008

This month, gossip blogs and celebrity magazines were rocked with the news that Californication star David Duchovny checked into rehab for sex addition.
Previous reports suggested that Duchovny was struggling with an addiction to Internet pornography and cybersex, but more recent rumors maintain that actual physical infidelity occurred. (However, just because Duchovny created a television series in which his fantasized writings turned into actual dalliances, we can't assume this infidelity manifested in his real life as well. Until we receive proof to the contrary, let's assume that he kept his pants on, unlike the main character he dreamt up and plays everyday.)

That being said, most couples would agree (rightfully so) that cybersex addiction can be just as devastating and hurtful as an actual affair, and it is becoming a growing concern in our tech-savvy society. According to a study released by Stanford University, 25 million Americans visit cybersex sites 1-10 hours per week, while 4.7 million Americans visit cybersex sites more than 11 hours per week.

What does the growing presence of available Internet pornography and cybersex mean for modern relationships?

Communication is required. Couples need to discuss what they consider infidelity within the confines of their relationship. For instance, is it okay for your partner to look at online pornography? Does it matter if you are present, or can he/she be free to surf solo without fear of you taking offense? Is it permissible for your partner to contact other people via the web for cybersex? Whatever you and your partner decide, agree to keep the honesty intact when accessing the web.

Consider the amount of time the cyber world takes away from your relationship. Even if you and your partner decide that cyber play is permissible, be aware of how much time you are spending on the Internet. If you are devoting more time to online erotica and virtual strangers than you are to your partner, then something is amiss. This can also be a sign of a cybersex addiction, particularly if you feel helpless to control your time online.

Secrets are a warning sign. When secrecy creeps into your "innocent" Internet play, it means that there is a problem. Whether you are hiding from your partner how much time you spend on the Internet, the sites you visit, or the people you talk to online, you are creating an environment for infidelity and relationship breakdown.

If you think that cybersex activity has become more than just a passing hobby, don't despair. Cybersex addiction can be treated, and your partner can help you through this difficult time. Click on this link for resources and treatment options. Cybersex addiction (and all sex addiction) can be just as devastating as drug/alcohol addictions, and most people need a system of support to stop their destructive behavior. Ask for help -- you will be so happy you did.

Are Bad Habits Keeping You Single?

In the search for love, it's all too easy to get sidetracked by bad dates, broken hearts, and bad love habits. And while bad dates and broken hearts are part of the dating journey toward happily-ever-after, bad love habits can and should be avoided at all costs.

So what's a bad love habit? Any dysfunctional, destructive, difficult belief or habit you have towards love and relationships that's keeping you from finding, attracting, and/or maintaining a healthy relationship. The following are some common bad dating beliefs:

You choose potential partners who are incapable of meeting your emotional needs.

You think love has to be difficult, painful, and/or hard.

You think your potential partner is going to fix whatever you don't like about yourself or your life.

You think your potential partner is going to fix whatever you don't like about yourself or your life.

You believe time is running out on your search for love and/or your chance to have children.

If any of the above sound familiar, don't worry. You're not a lost cause. In fact, with a little time and effort, you can turn things around! What follows are five simple and effective tips and techniques geared toward helping you break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad dating habits. Practiced over time, you can and will kick any bad dating habit -- for good!

1. Identify the dating traps you're stuck in

Think you've got to miraculously solve all your problems before you'll be deserving of love? Convinced there are no good "ones" left? Or do you believe that your perfect partner will one day swoop in and magically save you from your life? If any or all of the above sound familiar, chances are good that you suffer from some common dating traps. In order to become a successful single, you first need to free yourself from these traps. Acknowledging the traps you're stuck in is the first step. Next, you've got to break free of these traps, as well as any other limiting or destructive beliefs that are keeping you stuck. To find out how, keep reading.

2. Assess your excess baggage

Next, it's important to get honest with yourself about what you might be lugging around with you on dates (or in life in general). What are you holding onto that no longer serves you? Rejection, disappointment, betrayal? This is from your past, not your present or future. If you've got negative or destructive beliefs or fears weighing you down, you owe it to yourself to dump that excess baggage!

3. Dump your excess baggage

In order to have a happily ever after future, you have to first believe you deserve finding a mate. Gather those painful memories, that chip on your shoulder, any residual anger from past relationship experiences, and tell them they've got to go. Thank them for the lessons you've learned and tell them that it's now time for you to stand on your own two feet. In your mind's eye, give them the heave-ho! Next, start visualizing the kind of life you want to have, complete with your dream job, perfect partner, ideal home, etc. By getting clear about what you want, you give yourself permission to attract it.

4. Stop putting off your life and/or personal happiness

So many of us put off personal happiness waiting for some external result like "I'll be happy when I lose weight, when I pay off my debts, when I get a better job." The truth is, you deserve to enjoy your fabulously imperfect life right this very minute!

When you stop putting off happiness, you start attracting happy people, healthy relationships, exciting and new opportunities.

When you stop putting off happiness, you start attracting happy people, healthy relationships, exciting and new opportunities. Instead of postponing joy until something external happens, today's the day to start celebrating the joy in your everyday life.

5. Embrace a new dating vocabulary

Now that you're baggage light and dating-trap free, it's time to introduce a new vocabulary to your dating belief system. Every morning and night for 30 days, practice the following exercise: Say to yourself "Love/dating/my ideal relationship is..." and then fill in the blank with the appropriate words (words like healthy, whole, loving, fun, etc.). By creating a new vocabulary for yourself, you may be surprised at how your outlook on dating and relationships changes, and as a result, you'll start attracting happier and healthier potential partners. Love that!

So there you have it -- five simple dating tips and techniques to help you break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad love habits. May you learn them, love them, live them. In doing so, you just may fall in love with your life all over again, not to mention exponentially increase your chances of future relationship success.

Good luck and happy dating!

How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating

Do the headlines have you spooked? Here are the surprising signs a dude is being unfaithful.

By Holly Eagleson

1. He's superprotective of his gadgets. "The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills," says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he's being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he's more evasive.

2. He steps up the grooming. This is so obvious, but it's a sign many women miss: "If your man starts grooming more without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he's getting intimate with someone else," says Vranich. You can actually thank modern mass media for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his appearance, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He's spending more time at the gym.

3. He smells different. "When he comes home, if he doesn't smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn't the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he's showered at her place," offers Vranich. So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying "the nose knows" might very well be true.

4. Nothing fazes him anymore. "If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added intimacy and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy," Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of "When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships": "
If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why.

If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why."

5. He becomes suspicious of you. "If he's normally a mellow type, all of a sudden he may want to know where you are all the time and with whom," says Vranich. "It's the result of him realizing that if he's cheating and it's not that hard, you might also be getting away with it." Also, beware of extremely detailed responses to even your most innocent "How was work today?" queries. He may be preparing epic answers because he's terrified of getting caught.

One caveat: If your romantic life hasn't fallen off, that's no guarantee that he's faithful. "It's a serious mistake to think that affairs are necessarily physical. He may just be unhappy in other parts of the relationship," says Kirshenbaum. In fact, an illicit relationship could even stoke his lust for you.

(Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.)

5 Ways to Love the Woman You Married

Here are better ways to love the woman you married. It is called loving with wisdom. Do these 5 things on a consistent basis and, after one month, you will find out that your marriage has improved.

Step 1: Listen to Your Wife

Do you listen to what your wife is saying? You listen to your boss when he is rambling on, don’t you? You listen to your naïve buddies tell you all kinds of things that don’t really matter in life, don’t you? Well then, why aren’t you listening to your wife? Start really hearing what she has to say and be supportive of her feelings and opinions. That means, opening up your ears and being perceptive to your wife’s needs.

Step 2: Appreciate Your Wife

When was the last time you told your wife how much you really appreciate her and all the things she does? A woman puts out a lot more energy into the home and family affairs than the husband does. Sometimes she may feel as if she is the only one doing anything around the house and this is when she starts getting bossy and naggy with you.

I encourage you husband’s to start appreciating your wife for all that she does for you and the family. Marriage can be such a beautiful relationship when you show your love with wisdom. Stop just for a moment, and mediate on the beautiful woman you married. Be thankful that God gave her to you. Realize how blessed you are to have this woman as your wife and know that she is your right arm and sometimes your left arm too. Make your wife feel good about who she is and all that she does.

Step 3: Make Love. Please Your Wife Sexually

There is a difference between having sex and making love. Sex is a one sided selfish act that is mostly enjoyed by the husband. Women need a bit more pampering and nurturing in the bedroom. I mean, what does a woman get out of five minutes of copulation? Okay, so it takes a little bit more time to please your wife and you’re tired, so make love in the afternoon or early morning. You do have options. Love your wife with wisdom and start pleasing the woman you married.

Step 4: Be More Helpful

Be more helpful by “asking” your wife if there is anything she needs you to do around the house, in the kitchen, or in the yard. For instance, she isn’t the only one who eats dinner you know. Maybe she would like some help chopping up vegetables, setting the table, or loading the dishwasher. She probably has mowed your yard for you, so give back in return and do some extra things for her around the house. She will be pleased that you did.

Step 5: Be the Man of the House

Be her man and she’ll want to be your woman. Did you know that your wife becomes bossy and domineering because you are not listening to her? She feels unloved and unneeded by you when you take her for granted instead of appreciating all that she does for you and the family? A woman needs to be valued by her husband. This gives her more love to give to you.

If you want a humble and kind wife then don’t behave as if you are better than her. Share your feelings with your wife and get close with her. Don’t be afraid to let down your guard once in awhile. If you have emotions that are not getting met, talk to your wife about it. A wife wants to be there for her husband but if you don’t let your wife in, how can she help?

If you want a feminine, humble and kind wife, then don’t try and control her to be what you want her to be. She needs to be her own person. What you can do though, is control yourself to behave a certain way that makes your wife want to submit to your loving influence. Be a good example and she will want to surrender her love to that example. Love your wife with wisdom.

To the man who pleases her wife, God gives wisdom, knowledge, and happiness.

(Source: http://www.ehow.com)

Simple tricks that help trim down your waistline

A big part of my recent weight loss—especially my shrinking waistline—may have been the easiest thing I did in the past year (and still do!): Eat vitamin C–rich fruits every day. I usually have them as a midmorning snack or as part of my breakfast. If not an orange or grapefruit, I'll mix strawberries with lowfat yogurt to ensure I'm set on C for the day. (You can even buy unsweetened green tea with vitamin C.)

This nutrient helps curb fat absorption, and studies show that low levels of C are associated with bigger waists. Also, people with the most vitamin C in their blood have the lowest body-fat percentages, researchers at Arizona State University at Mesa say. But about 30 percent of Americans don't get enough of the vitamin. Women need only 75 milligrams a day, 90 mg for guys (about the amount in a cup of strawberries or an orange).

Try this tasty recipe to get your daily dose. This zippy sip from Red Mountain Spa in St. George, Utah, delivers a serving of fruit and has only 64 calories:

Sparkling Melon Soup (Makes two servings, each with 96 mg of C.)

Chop half a ripe cantaloupe into 1-inch chunks. Blend with 1 tsp chopped fresh mint and 1 tbsp lime-flavored Perrier. Drop in 1/4 cup minced pineapple. Add 1/4 cup minced strawberries. (By Lucy Danziger, Editor-in-Chief, SELF Magazine)

Dating Older Women

Perspectives from the "younger men" and dating tips for them

The reasons why some men date older women are as varied as the women themselves. These women, because of their experience, often have more wisdom and self-assurance than younger women -- perhaps they may also possess more self-reliance and tolerance.

Some men receive mentoring from older women, who have had more relationship experience and often understand men well.

Some men receive mentoring from older women, who have had more relationship experience and often understand men well. Clearer about who they are and what they want, "older women" may even have an advantage in the dating arena.
In some cases, having a relationship with an older woman may work for men who don't want children:

"My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years," says Rocco. "She was 53 and I was 41 when we met. We both shared many values, including our faith. Our children are grown up now, and mine love her. So, it's worked out very well. I tell men who have been divorced at least once to go for an older woman... If you find the right one, don't worry about age -- unless you still want more children."

A man who dates someone who has children his age will run into the occassional social opposition. But there are men (like Ben, 25, who is dating a 45-year-old woman) who can overcome resistance.

Ben says: "A woman can be 25 and marry a man of 45 or 55 and, hey, whatever. Traditionally, it's been ingrained in our psyches... that's the way it goes, but not the other way around. We've always known that age may be an issue. But now that we've been together for a while, I have a new perspective.

Not all men are comfortable dating older women. Some men, like Clyde, worry about the future. Clyde says: "I dated a woman who is 15 years older. We dated for a bit and then settled into just enjoying each others company. She has a fit body and is an attractive woman. People said to me, why don't I commit to her if we enjoy each other's company? I told them I worried about how things would feel in 10 years when she's over 60 and I'm in my 40s... And then further down the years."

Through my experience as a therapist and marriage counselor, age difference isn't as important in a relationship as most people think. What counts is whether a couple can create a working partnership and build an enjoyable life together. So, for you men who've fallen head-over-heels in love with an older woman, I've developed nine tips on how to enjoy your newly found romance:

1. Be a gentleman. An older woman wants to be treated with respect, like any woman does. While she might attracted to your rebelliousness or youthful attitude, she still wants you to treat her with good manners.
2. Don't get ahead of yourself. Don't worry about the future until you actually might have one. Take your time and allow the relationship to develop.
3. Stay calm. You may be excited, but don't overdo it. Have fun and enjoy your dates, but don't come on too strong. She has some reservations, too.
4. Be charming. Don't underestimate how powerful your smile can be. Use it often, make eye contact, and keep the conversation flowing. Pay attention to what interests you about your date, and show interest in her opinions, experiences, and activities. Be complementary whenever possible, and respond intelligently to whatever she says.
5. Don't focus on looks.
Give complements, but focus less on her physical appearance -- she may be anxious about it.
Give complements, but focus less on her physical appearance -- she may be anxious about it. And even if you're complementary, she may worry that you're too focused on looks. She wants to be appreciated for who she is, including her intellect and style. Compliments like "That color is lovely on you," or "You look great tonight" are safer than "You're in great shape."
6. Have fun. Keep your dates simple and have a good time. Focus on being pleasant, and not getting too far ahead of the relationship. Refrain from talking too long about any one subject without inviting a comment from your date.
7. Keep conversation interesting and light. Feel free to talk about anything, including your personal lives, past relationships, and love in general, but don't be the one who brings up the intimate topics first. Be wary of prying too deeply into her private life and secrets, unless the information is voluntarily offered.
8. Avoid talking too much about yourself. Keep your focus on learning about your date. Dole out the boring information about yourself. Punctuate your conversation with questions: "What do you think?" "Has it been that way for you?"
9. Pay attention! Listen to answers to your questions. You have things to learn here! Seek to get to know each other better. No matter how thrilled you may be about her, listening to what she says, watching what she does, and understanding how she feels are the most important things you can do.

Ten Signs that You're Dating the Committed Guy

Are you ready for a relationship that is going to lead somewhere without you being led on? It's time to start weeding out the commitment phobics and put your time and effort into men that are looking for the kind of relationship you want -- one that has a future. If you're interested in getting married, ignore these at your own risk. Here's what to look for:

1. His friends are married

If you are interested in a guy, check out his friends' left hands to see if they have wedding rings on.
Research has show that if his friends are already married, he's more likely to get married.
Research has show that if his friends are already married, he's more likely to get married. If all of his friends are still single and in the "party-with-the-boys" phase, that's a bad sign.

2. He's financially secure

Studies show that men who own a home are more marriage-ready. A man who is generally financially stable, and has his ducks in a row, feels marriage is a practical next step for him.

3. He pursues you

The guy who is commitment-ready is going to initiate doing things with you. If you're emailing him and he takes days to email you back, if you have to text him to find out where he is, if you are always calling him, you're chasing a man who's probably not marriage-material.

4. He's willing to wait

Yes, research is telling us what we already know: If a guy gets to know you before getting intimate, he is more likely to commit.

5. He watches DVDs with you when you're sick

Taking care of you when you're sick shows that this guy isn't just in it for the fun and sex. If he wants to be with you in bad times, it's a sign he's in it for the long haul.

6. He gets to know your friends and family

A guy who is thinking long-term wants to truly get to know you. Seeing you interact with your family and friends helps him learn where you come from and more about who you are. The flip side of it is that he will also want you to get to know him! He'll want to see if you fit in with his family and friends. A guy who keeps you separate from the important people in his life is just playing around.

7. He says, "we" instead of "me"

When he switches from "me" to "we", that's a sign he's committing to you at a deeper level. If your guy is all, "I", "me", and "my" instead of "we" and "us" in conversations after you've been dating a while, his mindset is still in single guy mode.

8. He's not afraid of compromise

A commitment-ready guy is going to ask your opinion, consult you about decisions he needs to make, and has the ability to meet you half-way.
A commitment-ready guy is going to ask your opinion, consult you about decisions he needs to make, and has the ability to meet you half-way. A bull-headed guy who needs everything his way or it's the highway, isn't ready for the compromise that's naturally part of a mature relationship.

9. He doesn't need excuses

Commitment-phobic guys always have an excuse about why they can't be with you on Saturday night, why they didn't call, and why they aren't ready for a relationship right now. A commitment-ready guy doesn't need excuses, he just needs you.

10. He likes being in a long-term relationship

Some men like being in a monogamous relationship and some don't. The sooner you realize and accept this the better. If he complains all the time about needing space, treats you like a giant burden instead of a gift, and keeps talking about taking things slow, he's telling you he's not ready for a commitment. On the other hand, if he's done with the party scene, enjoys your "couple time" together, and has a strong sense of family, you've found a commitment-ready guy.